Process Stories
by Altaria Volante
Summary: Why did we have to write these stupid little things anyway? Who ever heard of a race of people wanting to trade for love stories?


**A/N:** Written for the stagesoflove 'five firsts' challenge.

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**I. First Love**

_My first love was Travis Hester. The kid was a jerk, but I liked the attention. We were in fifth grade and he could rock the kickball. He kicked a long ball to left field and smacked Jason McCarty right in the face. It might have broken his nose, but I don't really remember. May have been blood, though. Anyway, I went over and punched him in his nose for being such an ass and laughing about Jason getting hit. We had to stand against the wall at recess for two days after that, which sucked because we had new kickballs that needed to get broken in. So we stood there and after that we were playing together every day for three months._

Laura propped her feet up on a neighboring chair and stared at the laptop, bored with her current project. "Why did we have to write these stupid little things anyway? Who ever heard of a race of people wanting to trade for love stories?"

_I was pissed when he started hanging out with Jessica Duncan. She couldn't even play kickball._

Carson chuckled, running a towel over his shower-damp hair. "It's public history," he explained. "The Oravans keep the tales of the galaxy and have for thousands of years. And it seems that they feel we will be here long enough to have value in putting our stories with those they already have. And it is quite pleasant to have something we can readily give."

_My first love was a girl named Anna Graham. She had the most stunning red hair, and always kept it in a long braid that just whipped around whenever it was windy. We were twelve and she asked me if I wanted to go out on the boat with her and her brothers for an afternoon. She held my hand whenever her older brothers weren't looking, and giggled as she dropped it whenever they turned around. I thought she was the most beautiful creature on the coast that summer._

"I guess I just don't get the big deal." Laura closed the laptop after a quick save. "Food? Sure thing. Weapons? Meds? I get why you need these things. But Dr. Weir making me tell stories from elementary school?" She shook her head. "Whatever. If it gets us more of those little purple berries that Major Lorne was hoarding in the mess, I guess I can play along."

_I never saw her again after that summer. She went home to… Actually, I can't remember where she was from. Somewhere up north. I think about her sometimes when I see someone with long red hair and wonder if it's her._

Carson hung his towel up and smiled broadly at Laura as he walked across the quarters. "That's the spirit." He picked up a small box from the bedside table and opened it slowly for her, revealing little purple berries. "As a thank you, for playing along," he chuckled.

**II. First Kiss**

Laura grasped at the berry box excitedly. "I don't even want to know what you had to do to get these, because I'm sure that it was really really shady," she laughed, happily popping the little purple berries into her mouth. One by one, three chews and a swallow, and a happy little grin after each. "Seriously, best stuff ever," she mumbled through the mouthful of berries.

_My first kiss was while we were watching a tape of The Little Mermaid. Seriously, how unromantic is that? Danny Mitchell had to look after his little brothers while his mom ran errands, and we were in that Middle School, I'm going to hold your hand while we bounce on the trampoline, kinda semi-friends thing. We were even 'dating', if you can really date at fourteen. But his little brothers watched Ursula taking Ariel's voice, and Danny leaned over and kissed me on the cheek._

Carson reached over and snatched the box away from her, much to Laura's displeasure. "What did you do that for?" she said, sticking her hand out and motioning for him to give her back the box.

"Because you're not savoring them," he chuckled, pulling out one berry and holding it close to her mouth. "There aren't that many of them. Open your mouth."

_I got lips when the French chef came on, and tongue during 'Kiss the Girl'. His brothers made kissing noises from the front of the room, but I'm not sure whether it was because of Ariel and Eric or if they knew what we were doing._

Laura opened her mouth and let Carson set the berry gently on her tongue. Her lips brushed his fingers as they slid out. "Mmm," she murmured. "That's much better."

_My first kiss happened around Christmas when I was ten. It had snowed for the past week, and the hill behind my house was fantastic for sledding. My cousins Charlie, Bean and Ian were over, as were two of the neighbor girls, Maggie and Della. We took turns sliding down the hill, and on our third run, Della and I ended up veering too far to the left and crashing into a snowbank._

"You should trust me," Carson chuckled, slipping another berry into her mouth. "I know what I'm doing most of the time."

_I told her as soon as I'd wiped the snow from my eyes that it was bloody cold and we were lucky we didn't hit a tree. Della responded by grabbing my scarf and smashing her lips against mine. She said that that was how her sister kept warm with her boyfriend. I told her that I wasn't her boyfriend._

"Mmm," Laura murmured again, chewing the berry slowly. "You're right. They're delicious this way."

_She never could take no for an answer._

"I haven't had one yet," Carson replied. "What do they taste like?"

Laura moved from the chair to straddle his lap and wrap her arms around his neck. "Why don't you find out for yourself?" she whispered before pressing her lips to his.

**III. First Time**

Laura shifted her kiss from his mouth to his neck, eliciting a small sigh from him as she moved. "So, the berries," she murmured, her lips brushing against his skin as she spoke.

"Berries… delicious," Carson replied. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the chair, tilting his neck as she moved.

_I was nineteen the first time I had sex. I was taking chemistry at the time and she was my lab partner. Her name was Frances, but we all called her Francie. Neither of us really knew what we were doing. I know I had to have been all hands and she kept giggling and pulling too hard. It was a mess, and tender and funny at the same time._

He gasped as she started nipping lightly at his collarbone. "Laura," he breathed, his voice barely a whisper.

_We sat up laughing about the whole thing later, mostly about how awkward we both were. We knew pretty quickly that we made better friends than lovers. I introduced her to my dormmate Michael later that week. They were married soon after we graduated. She was a real gem._

Laura laughed as Carson lifted her from the chair and tossed her with a delightful bounce onto the bed. He wasted no time in pulling her shirt over her head and she stretched lazily as he tried to balance straddling her while unzipping and pulling his own off. "Don't hurt yourself," she chuckled, reaching up to trail a finger slowly across the skin just above his pants. "I'm not going anywhere."

_My first time was when I was sixteen and dating Brandon 'My Dad Bought Me A BMW For My Birthday' Hartsfeld. He was seventeen, a senior, captain of the lacrosse team and the epitome of high school royalty. You'd think we do it in the back of his BMW because that would've been the cool thing to do, but no. Brandon didn't want to mess up his precious leather seats. I swear he treated that car better than he did me. He never gave that damn car the pump one, grunt two, rub three, repeat that he gave me._

"Aye, you're not," Carson said, finally finding his way out of his shirt and stretching out on top of her. He slipped one hand under her head and trailed the other one lightly down her stomach.

"Good," Laura sighed, biting her lip slightly as his hand trailed further.

_He didn't know how to touch a woman, and it was probably half his age and half his ego. The kid couldn't take direction to find his way out of a paper bag. I tried to tell him what I wanted, but he glared at me and said I shouldn't complain. I was just a junior, after all. He didn't have to hang out with me. I didn't say anything else because I thought I was in love and that he was great and you know, maybe he was right that I shouldn't complain._

Laura gasped, gripping her fingers into Carson's shoulder for support.

_But trust me, wised up quick. He was an ass, and I obviously didn't know what love was. Yet._

**IV. First Goodbye**

Carson brushed Laura's hair from her face with his fingertips as she lay exhausted against him. He smiled lazily, listening to her slow and steady breathing and feeling his eyes droop tiredly as well. He loved the afterglow, the closeness, the exhaustion with her most of all. Just lying against each other with no where to go, nothing to do. Just taking in her company. Out here, so far away from home, the feeling of companionship was something to be cherished. She was something to be cherished.

_The first time I really said goodbye was when my father died. I was thirteen and we were coming back to the house from the beach. It was a long walk, but he loved being outside and thought that it was a lazy choice to bring the car with us. The doctor said that there was nothing I could've done at that point._

He stretched his arms upward, pulling the kinks out slowly before resting a hand against her hip. The dark sky outside was starting to turn a deeper, brighter blue. They must've fallen asleep for a while if the sun was already coming up, he thought as he turned his head to glance out the window to the balcony. But then, he wasn't sure what time he'd gotten back to the room last night. Time had a habit of getting away from him here on Atlantis.

_He'd been feeling ill all morning. A wee bit queasy, a wee bit cold and tired, but he insisted that it was nothing and we could still go out and fish at the dock if I wanted. Mum told him to stay inside, but he didn't listen. By the time he collapsed on the way back, his heart had been struggling against the clot for hours and had finally failed. The doctor told me it wasn't my fault, but I shouldn't have asked him to go out. He went out for me. It's why I do what I do now. I still miss him greatly._

Laura yawned, stretching and rolling to the side of the bed as she felt Carson move. It was too early for him to be moving, she thought ruefully. She still had hours to sleep. At least, she thought it was hours. Who knew what time it actually was? She didn't care – it felt early.

_I've been lucky. I haven't had to say bye to that many people or things in my life. Except in Iraq, but I don't want to talk about that right now. I guess the first one I remember was my dog Pepper when I was nine. He was this great bay retriever, a real deep chocolate brown. Loved to play with a tennis ball in the pool at my Aunt Diane's house over on the shore. Bad thing was, he loved cars too. Got hit by this stupid redneck in his truck. We got lab after that, Sasha, but it wasn't the same._

She opened her eyes slowly, squinting against the light and frowning when she noticed the empty spot next to her. "Carson?" she mumbled. She opened her eyes again, this time sitting up and pulling the sheet over her shoulders. Where was that draft coming from? There are no drafts in Atlantis, it's a spaceship for God's sake.

"Out here, love."

She turned in the direction of his voice and found him sitting out on the balcony, wrapped up in the quilt from the foot of the bed. That's where the cold air was coming from.

"What are you doing out there?" she asked groggily. "It's early."

Carson smiled and waved her out there. "Aye it is, but the sunrise will be lovely. Come out with me."

Laura pulled the sheet off the bed with her, wrapping herself in the thin material and joined him on the balcony.

**V. True Love**

Carson opened the quilt to wrap around both of them as Laura settled into his lap and leaned back against his chest. "This'd better be a good sunrise. Too damn early," she mumbled, trying her best to sound grumpy.

"Aye it will be," he replied lightly as he rested his arms around her under the warm weight of the quilt. "The sky is clear, the air is crisp-"

"The air is cold," Laura sighed.

"- the sun will come up and splash brilliant colors over the horizon," Carson continued, not bothering to acknowledge Laura's protests. "It will be lovely."

"You're so odd," she chuckled, closing her eyes and snuggling as close as she could. It **was** damn cold out here in the mornings, no matter what he said.

_I think true love is often misidentified. Most of what we feel is infatuation or lust, tempered with familiarity and platonic love. True love is a wee bit more than that, I think. It's being happy for her when she succeeds, even if you don't. It's wanting to make her happy, even if you're not. She's the first thing on your mind in the morning, and she's the last thing on your mind when you go to bed._

_The hardest part is telling the other person. Sometimes you aren't sure if the feelings are returned, but most times it's hard to find words to put your thoughts into. Most times, it's just easier to hope that the other person just **knows**. But that's a risk I'm not willing to take, even if I know she knows. She's too important to leave to chance._

Carson rested his chin on top of Laura's head. She'd tucked it against his neck, starting to breathe slowly against his skin as she drifted back to sleep. Obviously the cold wasn't going to keep her awake. She was so delicate when she slept. Such a change from the waking Laura, it was almost as if she was two people. It was one of the things he cherished about her – she let him see things about her that no one else did. He was her safe harbor, where she didn't have to be Laura the Marine, trying to command respect from the men stationed here with her. He got to take care of her.

And in return, she took care of him. Before, he'd lose himself in his work and not emerge from the infirmary for 24, maybe 36 hours if it was something interesting or distressing. She wouldn't let him do that now, save for the most dire times. Nothing that couldn't wait till tomorrow, she tell him before dragging him out of the office. When he did hole himself up, she'd bring him something to eat or just sit with him for a spell so that he wasn't talking to himself. He knew she didn't know what he was talking about most of the time, but she was smart. Much smarter than people gave her credit for. And she'd ask him questions, very simple, basic questions, and he'd answer them and talk to himself and in the process, maybe find a way to approach things he hadn't before. At first, he'd tried to keep her out when he was frustrated and working, but after she stormed past the nurses, who told him later that the look she gave them when they tried to stop her convinced them they'd never stand between her and the office again, he knew it'd be a losing battle.

And when she'd tell him to turn off his laptop and come to bed, he listened. Some orders are to ignore, and some are to follow without question.

_I was never one of those girls looking for their charming prince or one true love or whatever. I never dreamed about my wedding day, cut out pictures from those stupid bridal magazines or giggled with my friends about cakes and flowers and frilly crap. Love to them was that one guy who'd solve everything and they'd have this magical day and then go off to a beach somewhere and live happily ever after. The end. _

Honestly, most of that is bullshit. Not just because I'm not that flowers and frilly lace girl, but because love is seriously more than that. At least out here. This is hard and I keep going back and retyping, but I'm just gonna go for it now. I was never treated right before, and you know how I know that? Because I'm being treated right now. There's this guy who loves me, and he doesn't even have to say it because I can tell just by the way he looks at me. I'm not a Marine to him, or a tomboy, or a bitch like I've been called on more than one occasion. I'm a woman. A beautiful woman. And he makes me feel soft and warm and all of those girly things that I haven't felt in a really long time. I can be myself with him. All of myself.

Laura shifted. She knew that she'd dozed off there. Carson's hand was tracing small circles on her back like he does when he wakes up before her, but hasn't gotten out of bed yet. She shivered slightly as a breeze whipped off of the sea and caught her under the quilt. She wrapped her legs around one of his and unfolded her arms to wrap around him as well. He was so strong, solid… warm. She adored the feeling of being small next to him, even if she'd never admit it.

_So, I guess the question really should be, have I found that girly, giggly, draw hearts on my notebook during first period kind of love?_

She shifted against him just enough to open her eyes and take a look out at the ocean. The blues had shifted brighter and the sun was beginning to filter through oranges and violets. "Did I miss your sunrise?" she asked, slightly disappointed at the thought.

"No, love," he answered. "The best is yet to come."

_Nope. I found something better._


End file.
